Christmas Adventure
by StoryStratos
Summary: I removed this from my Downtime series due to low quality and for being completely different and unlike the main content. Reuploaded for posterity's sake. Don't read unless you want to suffer. Tagged Horror for quality of writing. Tagged Hurt/Comfort because it hurts to read, and comforts me to know I have written better. I don't think I'll ever touch this again, it makes me weep.


"Promise me the wheels won't explode?"

"No can do~ly!"

"Urgh, why are we relying on this maniac? His chaos is the opposite of helping!"

"Can you replace a tire, _cherié_?"

"друзья, do not anger me. I have been stuck next to Omnic for hours. Sooner we arrive, better."

"I agree, the constant noise is making it quite hard to meditate."

"We did we even sit them together? Jamie, will we make it to Reinhardt's lodge?"

"50-50? Maybe we make it, maybe we don't? Depends on if you can drive up that mountain and how much fuel you put in this baby."

"… Just fab. Em', love? Is Reaper still back there with us?"

"Yeah, I think he's listening to some emo or something though, so no point in asking him anything."

"Jus~t making sure. If only Mei were here, that drone would clear us out in a jiffy. Sombra! Are we clear yet?"

"Almost, _amiga_. Gorilla boy, you feeling cold yet?"

"Just because I have fur doesn't mean I don't get cold. And yes, by the way. Can you and Jessie please just help me shovel?"

"Sure thing, partner."

"DVa. You're sitting on my phone. I need to change tracks."

"Oops, sorry. Give me a minute, the boss just showed up."

"Why did I leave Vishkar for this?"

"Hey, don't look at me, I'm just here for the ride, sister!"

"Shut up, mongrel."

"Woah! Symmie! Tone it down, we got kids here!

"Hey! I'm not a kid! Ah- GG lizard breath! Next time bring some more friends!"

"Angela, what are the chances that we actually make it there in one piece?"

"I don't know, Jack. My ultimate is ready."

"Hey, Soldier? At least we're all on the payload now!"

"Oh god, that was terrible."

"Mercy, give me my gun. I need to shoot a Mexican right now."

"Here you go, Reaper-… Is that K-pop?"

"No. Definitely not. Give it back now."

"OMG, Reaper likes K-pop! Sombra, look at this!"

"What is it, _monada_? Oh, that's some blackmail right there. Good find."

"Give me my phone."

"Hey! Tracer! Catch!"

"What? No, I'm driving!"

"Lame! Emily! Fill in!"

"What? Ah! Uh, Widow, heads up!"

"Nothing escapes my-"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Headshot!"

"Hana, please, calm down. Lena, I think we've cleared enough snow."

"Thanks, Winston. Here goes nothing."

"Master, will this all be over soon? My brother looks very angry right now."

"I'm not angry! Your ninjatō has just been poking me for a while, and it's very annoying."

"Ah, sorry, brother. Oh, sorry for awaking you, Miss Fareeha."

"It's not your fault. That little girl is just too loud."

"Cavalry's here! Winston, McCree, back in the van, we're moving!"

" _Merde_ , and I was just breathing again."

"You don't breathe, girl."

"Child. One bullet is all it would take to stop your beat."

"Oh! DJ just got burned! Match to the spider! Rrr, get back with my loot you little cat thing."

"How DVa can live in two worlds at once never ceases to amaze me."

"You and me both, Emmy, you and me both. At least there's a bright side to all this."

"What's that, baby?"

"I think that's Torbjörn's snowmobile up ahead, so we can't be far."

"Everything's coming up explodey! Roadie's chopper is just over there too!"

"So, I guess _that_ 's the house then? Looks more like a log castle. Pfft, how Canadian."

"Now, now, Jessie. It's a perfectly acceptable design in the Alps. _Verdammt_ , I was betting on a real castle though."

"See? An architect's instincts are always right. Pay up, Dr Zeigler."

"Right, I'm going to park this thing, and the first thing all of you are going to do is get out and head inside. We had enough trouble with everyone trying to load their luggage all at once, so Winston and I will handle it. Capiche?"

"Okay, Tracer!" "If you want." "Just make sure my weights are safe." "Don't open _anything_." "Of course." "Thank you, Lena."

"… Well they got out a lot faster than they got in."

"I believe that the six-hour drive since we last stopped has made them restless."

"Oh, Emmy! Are you going to head inside or…?"

"I think I'll help out here. Dibs not carrying DVa's stuff, though."

"I should do that one. I'll carry Zarya's equipment as well, so I'll trust Athena's remote station to one of you girls."

"Can do, big guy!... Oh my..."

"... There's a lot in here, isn't there?"

"Kiss for energy?"

"Since when was that a thing?"

"Since I ran out of coffee and need a pick up."

"Hm, I suppose a hero needs her energy."

"Uh-hum. If you two are finished, perhaps you'll help me carry through Sombra's bags? She seems to have packed quite a lot."

"Hmm-hmm-hmm… Ahh~! Just a minute, big guy! Important hero business over here!"

"… I'll just start with Jessie's bags then."

* * *

A/N

Published solo because this is bad, and I don't want to put it with my marginally better stuff (okay, quite a bit better, it's actually readable) over in Downtime, where this originally was and used to turn off readers. Sorry if that was you!


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